ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
