there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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