just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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