I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
