you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
