Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
