i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
