i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
