DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
