beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
