Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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