it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
