If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
