I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
