Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
