I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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