dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
