Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
