Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
