Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
