some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i came on her dog
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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