I think my vagina is haunted
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
