The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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