don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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