her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Shame - the story of my life.
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