I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She's the barista slut.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
