i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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