dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
