Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
