dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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