Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
