Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
