please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
