How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
