i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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