Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
look no pants
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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