Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
