kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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