If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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