So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Randomize
