38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
