Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
