Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize