Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize