I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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