Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
