She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
