There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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