After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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