mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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