I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
