porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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