Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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