I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
