it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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