Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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