NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
