am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
