I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
