You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Im part way to drunk.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
