I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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