And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
