WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
