my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
