K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
