i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the night ended with taco bell and tears
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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